Reading this gave me the chills because it sounds like you’re talking about me and my mother! My mother also talks badly about my sisters to me. I KNOW she is saying bad stuff about me to them and yes, you should assume she is doing that to you. I also only call her out of obligation and I actually get a knot in my stomach as I’m dialing because I have no idea how the conversation will go. All I can say is what worked for me is keeping her at a distance. When she complains about me not seeing her or calling, I tell her it’s because we don’t have a good relationship. She then tries to blame me and for a while, I was just going along with her and sarcastically saying, “Well if I’m such a horrible daughter, then why would you want to talk to me?” That usually shut her up. I now just say stuff like, “You have a right to your opinion, and I have a right to mine.” It’s exhausting and really lame, but it is what it is.
I’m now at a weight where my daily life in the world has changed. When I was in my middle state of moderate obesity, I rarely got a nasty comment on my appearance. I used to think it was because I wasn’t all that fat. Now I know that, as with other bright, round objects, nobody wanted to stare directly at me. Men now feel comfortable approaching me in coffee shops to suggest that if I only lost 20, I’d be hot. Drivers who cut me off when I’m riding my bike shout “fat bitch” with some regularity. I hate it and find it encouraging at the same time. Finally, my fat doesn’t make me invisible. It just makes me fat.
Leandra, I’m so sorry. As someone who has struggled with infertility for 12 years, I don’t know what you’re going through, but I’ve walked a similar path. It’s a path of grieving with no funerals, of asking “why?” to the ceiling, of missing someone you’ve never met. It’s putting up with well-meaning but recklessly insensitive comments, and it’s blocking a lot of people in your social media feeds for the preservation of your own mental health. You are defining new limits for your own courage and scrappiness–you are going to be okay.